13.1: Only half crazy

Oh my goodness! what a week it has been!!! Sheesh if I was any more tired, I'd be Sleeping Beauty! SO MUCH...UPDATING!

Ok so here we go:

In case ya'll didn't know, I work as a server at Olive Garden part time as well as my full time job at Credit Repair.com. I took up the second job to put some extra money aside for Phil to go through the Police academy (not cheap). I've been running between jobs waking up at 4:30 am and not going to sleep till after 10 pm for the last few days, and I am exhausted! Don't get me wrong, I love working and knowing I'm doing this for my husband, but sometimes I just feel like breaking down and crying from being SO TIRED! Luckily, my husband makes sure I feel appreciated every night I come home from A long day of work.

The work outs!!

I know I'm not supposed to update the weight or anything, but I'm kicking butt already! It gives me hope for the next 6 months of preparing for these half marathons. my Personal Trainer, Melissa, is such and amazing (thought tough) person. She wants me to succeed and makes sure I am able to do the workouts without dying on the floor. I've been doing alot of strength training to start converting my fat to muscle and boy does it make you sore!! I'm also tracking my food on weight watchers to make sure I am not over eating and working my hardest. I took 2 days off working out this week due to migraines, but it was worth it. Phil is even getting into the working out with me and making sure I am doing all that I need to do to be successful in my goals. Talk about a love bug!

Valentines day!

One year ago on V-day, Phil dropped off roses at my work while I was out on a date with someone else! He didn't leave a note, card, or anything....so I had no clue who they were from! And then a month later Phil asked me out, and from there is all happened. So this year I wanted to make sure he knew how wonderful I think he was. I wrote him a letter telling him where I was emotionally before he left those flowers for me, and how they literally changed my life in less than an instant because I knew someone, somewhere cared about me. We enjoyed some sushi, and played with our Boomer. It was wonderful :)

well, those are the main updates, but I will update the weight for sure on monday after my training session!!! Untill then, happy 3 day weekend everybody!!!

Transformation time!!!!

OK FOLKS You heard it on facebook, now I will announce my big news......

I am running 4 half marathons this year! I am crazy, but this is an insane but exciting thing for me! I've enjoyed running, but never got into it that much. But now, I have a goal, and I will accomplish it!

I've had terrible self confidence my whole life. I was never the "thin" girl, the good looking girl, just the so-so do a few sports chick who was just hanging around. My self confidence got worse in college when I saw my friends date and enjoy their thin and seemingly perfect bodies. I knew no one paid attention to me, especially the male gender. But thankfully, my husband is the most supportive and loving person of me and my goals. I know he loves me for me, which is the best thing I could ever ask for! So now, the goal of getting fit is finally going to be a decision for me! and what better way than to set a goal I can and will achieve!? I'll track my progress, and how things are going in my training!

Starting weight: 173

Goal weight: 142

Pant/Dress size: 12

pant/Dress size goal: 8

Goal miles to run:14

First half marathon date: June 9, Bear Lake UTAH!

A huge thank you in advance will go towards my personal trainer right now because as I begin to hurt and get sore, I know I will want to do more thank thank her. And Lastly, Mrs Lora Grady, you are my inspiration to achieving this goal. Seriously, I would not have the courage or strength to pursue this if it weren't for your blogpost on your progress. If you can do it, I sure as heck know I can do it!!!  but I cannot wait to start posting results!! Stay Tuned

I've dreamed a dream...

Sorry for ya'll but this is definitely going to be a debbie downer post...

Cinderella... a little girl's idol. Her sweet counsel on not being ashamed of what you dream of because "A dream is a wish your heart makes." It's childish, tender, and yet over the last few weeks, I have come to realize the truthfulness of the statement as the emotions I have suppressed over the last 2 months antagonize and taunt the very dreams I dream.


It's been 2 months since my mother passed away. There are no words to describe the pain and sadness I feel, which is why it is a subject matter I do not discuss or share with people, as unhealthy as that might be. My Phil has been nothing but a trooper taking care of me when I finally break down and cry, let out my anger and depression. He has truly been a blessing through this time. But then there are the dreams of seeing my mom alive, hugging her, laughing with her...those are the dreams I feel consoled and at peace, until i wake up sobbing, wishing the death was a dream and her life were a reality.


Those who know me, will know I have found alot of happiness in music. I can't help but relate to Fantine in Les Miserables 
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.


I Miss my mom. I miss her phone calls, her advice, her laugh. I miss everything. My heart literally hurts knowing the last time i saw her was 4 months ago, but then i rejoice knowing I saw her on the happiest day of her life, being there for my wedding, surrounded by family and friends, nothing ailing her. Nothing would make me happier than to relive that day over and over again. I know heavenly father has been taking care of me, as well as my mom step by step...I know she is in a better place...But that's not enough for me....because I am not in a better place without her.


Those who have spoken with me concerning my mom's passing have seen the face I wear, the words of comfort i offer, the strength and composure I put forth. But when I allow that facade to fade away, I'm really a teary eyed little girl looking for my mommy. I have a testimony of the spirit world, i know she is living there with her father and sister, but I also know she is watching over us and she is my eternal mother. I am so grateful for an eternal family and the peace that alone gives me. I am so grateful for a supportive husband who allows himself to be there for me when my heart swells over with grief. I am grateful for the love of my family i have knowing I have them forever. I am so Grateful for friends who continue to stick by my side. And lastly, I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ, who suffered for all, but knows my heart and the pain I feel. Who knows how to comfort and console me, and never failing will always be by my side.


 "I'll Love you forever, I'll Love you for Always, as long as I'm Living, my mommy you'll be."